Team unity called for by dropped VC

With only four days to go before the Brockwell 49ers begin their season, the furore surrounding ‘stumpy-gate’ has seemingly thrown the team into disarray.

This blog has learned there has been unrest in the squad camp for some time now with some players feeling that ‘Hammy’ Hamilton has been throwing his, ever increasing, weight around a bit too much and is, in the words of one key player “just a big eating machine who shouts at us all and makes us feel like we’re worthless”.

James Smart went on to say “I’ve always liked Stumpy more and, if I’m being honest, none of the guys feel very comfortable with Hammy around…especially when we’re changing.”

Tom ‘Fisting Fury’ Partridge continued, saying ‘Hammy always wants to put my box in for me…is always asking if he want a rub down at the end of training. He makes me feel dirty and I often have to scrub myself clean. I usually get Phil to help with the bits I can’t reach, but at least I don’t have the stench of Hammy on me anymore. Just the sweet smell of Phi…’

Unconfirmed reports from the team camp suggest that Vice Captain Cherrington has been dropped after questioning Hammy's team ball tampering. When asked for a response to the reports of the player unrest and his own confrontation with Hammy, Stumpy Cherrington said;

“Look, I’ve always like Hammy. So he gets a bit fresh with the guys in training, and yeah, maybe we have all caught him smelling the boxes from the kit back. But you know what, he’s a great guy and it’s nice for the rest of the squad to know that their Captain hasn’t been picked for his ability with either the bat or the ball, but more because he has quite a lot of kit and we don’t have any other pads”

“I’m willing to extend an olive branch to Hammy and let bygones be bygones…I really want to be the bigger man in all of this, but to be honest, I don’t think there’s enough time for me to eat that much before Sunday. I know that we can work together and I just hope he sees that he’s made a mistake and we can get this team back on track. If he can just keep his hands on his own balls and stop trying to touch everyone else’s, I think we’ve got a real chance of winning this tournament and taking a great team to France at the end of the season.”