49er Merchandise

49ers in tail-ender gender bender shocker

Scandal has yet again rocked the Brockwell 49ers after it emerged that the International Cricket Council has demanded the GENDER testing of one of its founding members. The ICC’s involvement has been prompted by intense press speculation that maverick batsman Nick Heath is in fact a big girl’s blouse. An unnamed insider told RUYC “Nick has missed endless training sessions and frankly the guys have been talking.”

“GIRLY”

“He claims he’s been busy but we all know he’s been playing ‘softball’. It makes you question all those magical times he’s patted you on the bum, and that’s something none of us want to do.” RUYC has learned unsavoury rumours that Heath has been bringing a girly catcher’s mitt to matches and been seen running in an obscure diamond shape are to be made in a leading Sunday newspaper.

“BOOBIES”

This reporter understands that as a show of good faith Brockwell’s captain Stumpy has agreed to undertake a sex test claiming “all the 49ers are well aware that gender is simply a social construct - that’s a no brainer. But sex is a different matter, I know because once a girl let me have a go on her boobies and it was ace.” Suggestions that Cherrington had in fact FAILED the test could not be confirmed before going to press.

Late, but not forgotten.

Ex captain 'Hammy' enlists help from rat in mysterious construction project

Secrets of Stumpy's fitness regime revealed

Captain joins new team!

Rumours that Brockwell 49ers' Captain Gordon "Stumpy" Cherrington has been moonlighting with another team have finally been confirmed after shock photos were leaked today.

GOTH ROCKER GETS 4 OUT OF 10 IN DANCE COMP SHOCKER!!!

At Edgebaston, during tea, in a thrilling ashes clash, a dance competition was held to provide some light relief for the nervous spectators. Emo sports fan Ed 'Hammy' Hamilton was "boo-ed" down with 4 out of a possible 10, the lowest score of the day, and a slow-clap from some ginger guy in the back. Requests for the traditional England walkout Jerusalem to be replaced with James Smart's rendition of (remix to) Ignition went ignored by the ECB representatives.

Ruthless.

If we're going to prevail in France we're going to have to be pretty cold-blooded so I think we can all take a lesson from the number 19 here:



No retreat, no surrender.