49ers profligacy has Calypso dancing

Easy now, match report to calm you all down. Sorry for the delay...

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On a breezy damp day in North London, Brockwell’s finest took on Calypso looking to capitalise on their recent emphatic T20 victory. SPOILER ALERT…the 49ers failed. Comprehensively. But on a wild day, with players unavailable due to poor wedding planning by Tom Rice it was hard not to be impressed with some key contributions during the game, the camp’s burgeoning team spirit and, as always, keen bottom-slapping.

With threatening clouds overhead, 49ers skipper won the toss and opted to take the new ball in swinging conditions, putting admirable faith in our international debutant, Graeme Elliott. Five years since bowling his last delivery, it was a timid first over, conceding 9 what proved to be just the first of 53 extra runs given to Calypso’s total – taking the honour of joint top-scorer with Calypso’s opener Jim Bugg. At the Lido end though, Hammy – mobile phone in pocket due to the imminent birth of the 49ers youngest supporter – took up the mantle in a spell of four overs that probed, teased and occasionally fucked the Calypso top order right up. His reward, the early wicket of Goddard, trapped LBW to a skiddy quicker delivery. Stumpy and Tonkinson squealed from behind the timbers, Hammy turned to give the umpire his best come hither eyes – the same ones Frankie fell for before 9 months carrying wee Mylo – and the rest of the team brought an almost operatic quality to what seems to be fast becoming the 49ers strongest asset; the appeal. There was plenty more where that came from too as Elliott picked up his pace and improved his accuracy to give the openers a stiff working over. It wasn’t just the batsmen being caused problems either as probing line and length (mostly short and down leg side) sent Stumpy sprawling and giving Heath problems on the boundary rope as byes kept the scoreboard ticking over. It was with notable style, though, that first Heath and then Stumpy took to fielding in the deep, diving athletically for lost causes and taking gymnastics to new heights with a succession of rope-burning forward rolls and slides. Elliott ended with 3 maidens from 6 overs but no wickets in his spell. Hamilton took one wicket for 15 in his six overs.

After a probing opening partnership, up stepped Le Tonk and King at first change. After a strong start from Tonk, an increasingly wayward King stepped up to take the all important wicket of Newton, whose square cut and leg glances looked to be taking the wind out of the 49ers sails. But one too many flashes of the bat took the ball on to his stumps and enthusiastic bum-slapping followed. The new batsman arrived at the crease but so did Calypso’s secret weapon, Extras – seemingly blindfolding the much-vaunted swinger King, taking his keys from the bowl and leading him to an empty room while the rest of the team frolicked in the field chasing three overs of no-balls, wides, long hops and beamers around the park. It was a long spell of bowling (1-41 off 3 overs) that nobody was sorry to see the back of – especially when the opportunity to take the ‘15-over’ drinks break. 108-2 said the scoreboard. ‘We can still beat them’ said our leader.

Inspired, Sunday-cricketer Kirk stepped into the breach and grabbed himself two quick wickets with expert left-arm slingers drawing ever more forward defences from calypso opener, Jim and false shots from his partners. The highlight of the spell, however, came from the chief bum-slapper, Terrington (sic). Having wisely taken himself away from the job of aimlessly flailing about behind the stumps, skipper Terrington took a courageous catch at slip, snaffling one high above his head to leave Calypso on the brink of what should have been a cataclysmic collapse – at 156 for 5 and the niners into a scared looking middle order. And who wouldn’t be scared when Martin ‘The Morpeth Express’ Edwards begins limbering up at midwicket and with the prancing Brichto skipping around the outfield just begging to be thrown the ball.

Terrington had other ideas though. After a teasing first over from the Morpeth Express, a mixture of jack-knifing leg-breaks and straight dibbly-dobblers that kept the batsmen guessing, Stumpy surprised everyone by not only bowling but bowling straight. And with devastating effect. Five dot balls and…WICKET! Deceptively slow, Terrington tempted Ebanks into a heave over midwicket and was clean bowled leaving our jubilant, screaming captain with a wicket maiden; the first in 49ers history. While Kirk, Edwards and Bennett completed their tidy overs, the score board just kept ticking slowly over, each boundary a twist of the knife as the innings drew ever closer to 200 and Jim took his round of applause, ending his obdurate innings at 53. All that remained was Adam ‘the Spanish Pony’ Brichto who’s bowling was full of enthusiasm but more reminiscent of dressage than cricket. Calypso finished on 202-7. A gettable score one would think. ‘Around par’ was the verdict from within the camp as they considered matters over sausage rolls and Kronenburg.

At a shade under 6 an over required Kirk and Stumpy strolled nonchalantly to the crease, fresh from lunch and just a smattering of rain. Looking to forge a strong opening partnership, Stumpy took his guard and stoutly defended his wicket, confusing Calypso’s bowlers by standing still and pretending to be a fourth stump. A leg glance and he was off the mark. Kirk Leight, in his first innings for the niners and sporting a rather impressive looking blue helmet, also took his time to feel his way before crashing the first of what would be a number of classic cover drives. But the innings was only four overs old when Calypso drew first blood, taking Stumpy’s wicket with an easy catch. King, keen to make up for a disappointing bowling display ambled to the crease but in what would become a regular feature of a disappointing 49ers batting performance, lasted just one further over, scoring three singles before dinking a timid defensive prod back to the bowler. With only three sets of pads, panic was beginning to set in – would we have enough equipment for the next batsman before the next man was out? Would former captain Hamilton recover from his time in the field - where he controversially sought to stop every ball with his ankle – to make the runs required to chase down Calypso’s total?

It started well, Kirk was playing tidy cricket, picking off runs where he could while Hammy grew in confidence at the other end. Taking no shit from the bowlers, Hamilton drove with abandon, hooked and pulled his way to a swashbucking 14 runs, scored with just three lusty blows. But it wasn’t to last and taking on the bowler a fourth time he was caught deep in the outfield and the game looked to be running away. Internationalist Elliott wasn’t able to match his pre-game bravura, getting carried away after a square cut that zipped to the cover boundary by attempting to knock the lacquer of the ball and missing. Bowled for 5. Heath up next – averaging around 30 before the game but not happy with the conditions one little bit – but still the wickets tumbled, much as Heath had been seen to do in the field. The Great Dane bowed out with a disappointing duck.

But what was this – Bowdney and Leight started to look like they wanted it more. 49ers spirit started coursing through their veins, cajoled by our leader and former skipper who as on-field umpires did their best to keep up the sledging. Staring down the barrel though, both batsmen caught the bullets between their teeth, spitting them out in the form of runs, ones and twos mainly but it sure got us aroused sitting on the boundary ropes. Ending a run of a wicket falling every over, these two were as close to our Gower and Boycott as we could muster, but it was to be a mini-revival only. Leight, deceived by a ball travelling so slowly that a speed gun would have barely registered it, went to up the run rate and was bowled. For a spirited 19. In the context of the game, this was fricking awesome. Sadly the remaining batters couldn’t stay with free-scoring Ruari as a further succession of wickets fell cheaply, including his own, finally bowled for a man-of-the-49ers score of 22. Spirits were momentarily raised by the prancing Brichto, who went out to bat looking like an overweight Hugh Grant in cricket whites and a navy pullover. Comedy aside, he lasted three balls and was quickly caught, wrapping up the 49ers innings in less than 20 overs for a total of 78, a disappointing result after what promised to be a tight game between two mediocre but enthusiastic sides.

We still rock, though. And those fuckers will come back for more, only this time we’ll be ready for them, full team, fewer hangovers and more tightly-honed forward defences. The future still looks bright. We’ve got sledging, appealing and bottom-slapping nailed down. Bowling, batting and fielding are next but we’re getting there dammit and our day will come. Next match, 23rd August. WE WILL WIN.


49ers Batting
Leight (Kirk) 19 (bowled)
Cherrington 6 (caught)
Phil 3 (c&B)
Hamilton 14 (caught)
Elliott 5 (bowled)
Heath 0 (bowled)
Bowdney 22 (bowled)
Tonkinson 2 (lbw)
Edwards 2 (bowled)
Kevin 0 N/O
Brichto 0 (caught)

78 ALL OUT

49ers Bowling
Elliott 6-3-17-0
Hamilton 6-0-15-1
Tonkinson 4-0-28-0
King 4-0-41-1
Bennett 4-1-21-0
Kirk 5-0-19-2
Edwards 3-0-19-0
Cherrington 3-1-14-2
Brichto 1-0-9-0